Inside Out

   Let me introduce you to someone I have known for a very long time. We have shared many memories together, fought many battles and seen many things. Yet we have very little in common. This person's name is Dysphoria. We have lived together for 24 years, and let me tell you it has not been easy. Dysphoria is the voice within me that screams in my dreams, the one that laughs as I stare at myself in an old picture or even today in the mirror. Dysphoria is the voice that tells me I will never amount to anything or become the person I was created to be. It is the one that reminds me I am trapped within this body, it reminds me I am forced to live in this skin.
 
   Do you know what it is like to dream you were born in a different body? Do you know how it feels to be told "you are wrong" for simply trying to be yourself? Have you ever wished you could ask God just once "why." I do. I know what it's like to grow up in a body that belongs to someone else. I know what it's like to lay awake in my bed, close my eyes and pray to God this nightmare is over, but each day I open my eyes and realize it's not...not yet

   The older i get the more I learn it's time to take a stand. time to become the person I was meant to be. I have been held back by fear for many years. Fear of abandonment by my friends and family, fear of acceptance in society, fear of change. I can no longer be afraid. Being a transgendered person is not easy. Being forced to conform to society for fear of being the target of the next hate crime is hard. Does it really have to be part of life?

  Have you ever been afraid to use a public restroom? How about shop in a certain section of a clothing store? Have you ever been called a queer or a faggot because people can't figure out what gender you are? I have....Society is taught that all things and people are different. They have also been taught that different is dangerous. Am I dangerous because I am different? No, I am the same person I have always been. My body is just slowly becoming what I have always dreamed of.

 This next week will mark the stepping stones to the beginning of my transition. Doctors appointments will be made and I will learn in what direction I must take my next step. People ask me if I'm scared, to the them I say no. I am excited and nervous. Nervous to see what changes my body will experience and excited to finally be molded into the person I was created to be. With the knowledge I have acquired and the support I have received I am ready to hit the ground running. Stay tuned, this is were the fun begins.

Until next time...Love and Peace

~Jason~