Welcome

Welcome to my journey and thank you for joining me. Like it says above the purpose of this blog is to document my transition and the things I learn from it. On November 3rd (yes 4 short days ago) I "came out" to my family and friends "again" but this time it was to tell them that I am transgendered and have decided to begin the long process of transitioning. This began with the changing of my name. Now every Female that transitions to a male starts at a different point. That just happened to be mine. The last few days have been interesting to say the least. I have had an out pour of support from many of my friends and family. I have begun to answer questions that I knew people would have. I have also said good bye to a few people that just couldn't support my decision. A lot of things lead up to this point....so here's a little about that

On September 10th 1986 I was born Amber Lynn Gilliam. As a small child I felt like I was born into the "wrong body." I never knew exactly how to explain it or how to make people understand, so for a long time I just kept it quiet. I am learning more and more as I go along in life that if I am ever going to be completely happy with who I am then I need to become the person I have always dreamt of being.

As a small child my family knew I was a little "different" from the other girls in the family. I had no interest in dolls, barbies, tea parties or fake kitchens. My life revolved around sports, little green army men, bmx bikes and football cards.(let me tell you I still to this day have quite the collection) When I was younger I didn't understand why I was different, why couldn't I be a boy. I was told I needed to be "lady like" and learn to play with the girls more instead of chase them around with foam swords and plastic bats. I dreaded Easter because it meant ugly uncomfortable dresses and the curling of my hair.

As I got older and I began to "date", I won't lie I played the "straight card" mainly to please my family, but was never happy. Being with a man was more like having a best buddy that I called my boyfriend. I had a total of 3 boyfriends my entire life. When I met my first girlfriend, the world finally began to make sense. I began to understand what love was suppose to feel like. It was different then being with a man, it was natural. I began to understand things about myself but had no one to talk to about it. You have to understand I come from a "Christian" family and to tell your family that you are gay or uncomfortable in your own body is out of the question. It's NOT acceptable under any circumstances. So I hid my first relationship for as long as I could. My mother found out about it, because of a journal I kept. Let me tell you that conversation was not a good one.

Immediately I was taken to church, prayed for and sat down in front of my youth group leader's wife. I was forced to tell her about this lifestyle I had "chosen" and then I was forced to listen as she told me I would go to hell for my decision. I was told that God was not happy with me and that if something didn't change I was going to wind up destroying my life..Really?!? A few days later I was approached by the assistant pastor of the church and asked to step down from my leadership position, the dance team and not to return to his church. So I left.

I always wondered if there was anywhere I would be accepted. I wasn't accept at home, or at church. Being openly gay in high school was not easy as I'm sure many of you know. So I kept it from most of my friends. My junior year is when I really started to let it out. I just didn't care anymore and I was gunna let the world know about it. I joined the gay~straight alliance at my high school, I learned about gay rights, I found a place I would be accepted.

Shortly after I graduated high school I move to San Diego, CA. I lived there for 3 years and had a blast doing it. Everyone there knew me as the "little butch" chick in the neighborhood, but they accepted me. I made many friends that I still carry with me today...In the summer of 2008 I went to my first gay pride festival. I was in shock, how could it be that all these years I'd struggled to be open in public with who I was as a person and these people had a party to celebrate it?!? I was in my own form of Heaven..

In September 2008 I moved to my current home of Tucson, AZ. I quickly learned about the LGBT community here and wanted to know how to get involved. I joined the Tucson Gay Pride Board in November of 2009. I currently serve as a board member in charge of security and logistics. We aren't the biggest board in the world but we make things happen that is for sure.

It wasn't until the last few months that I really started to reach out and ask questions about the "transgendered" community. I began to do a little research here and there but never really dug in very deep. I recently met a new friend and the more I talked to him the more I realized I related to him a lot more than I thought. He too is transitioning from female to male and for once in my life I have someone who understands me. I am grateful to have a Friend willing to help mentor me along in this process. I have much to learn and as the changes begin to happen I'm sure I will have many questions to ask. I only hope that my experience allows me to answer the questions other people keep tucked away for fear of being judged.

I want each and everyone one of you that reads this to know this is a safe place. A place to come ask and discuss the things closest to us. This is a hate free zone and I intend to keep it that way. We all need people that understand us in life, I only hope you find those people here and that you find answers in the words of my blogs. My writing comes from the deepest part of my heart and is meant to encourage, educate and enlighten those around me.

So once again welcome to my journey to becoming me...thank you for joining the adventure.

~Jason~